Today was a bad day, like really bad. In all honesty, this whole week has been bad, Hated every second I had to spend awake, which was most of them. 

The cold autumn air keeps crawling under my clothes and send shivers down my spine. And inside isn’t any better either, people keep assuming I’m female and misgendering me, gladly no one knows my deadname, or I would have probably killed half my classmates by now, or myself, that would work better anyway.

Everyone keeps telling me to be more happy and shit, like it’s that easy.

Everything hurts, my dysphoria is literally killing me, and so is my urge to starve myself and throw up every 5 minutes. The number on the scale keeps increasing and I feel like a fat bag of shit because of it. 

I desperately need a distraction from my sad life, but I don't have anything. No fixations, no nothing, just a sad, lonely feeling of numbness.  The cigarettes stopped working too.

And I’m losing interest in living again, I just want it all to stop, right now. 

The pain, the sadness, the despair, the stress, tiredness.

Sincerely, your best friend and worst enemy, 

me.